Okay, I'll admit it.
Moving away to live on my own wasn't as easy as I thought it'd be. In fact... It's much, MUCH harder than I thought.
The dream was to just go in one day get all the old stuff the previous tenants left out and come back the day after and put my own stuff in. Easy, right?
Wrong.
After two weeks of cleaning, moving heavy objects to the fourth floor (without an elevator, mind you), not having Wi-Fi, sleeping on a mattress on the floor, going back home to your parents to sleep over because it just doesn't feel right...
I realized that it's not easy.
The first week was the worst. I would go to a nearby McDonald's and steal their Wi-Fi to talk to my boyfriend. I remember on the third night I was so depressed and I didn't know what to do. I was afraid that if I go back home to sleep over, that it would make me look weak and that I should just suck it up and persevere. But I couldn't. I looked up when the next bus was and ran to catch it. I came home crying and told my dad that I just can't be in the apartment right now, that I don't feel comfortable there.
He told me that it's normal and that I'm always welcome home. That helped a lot.
When all of the previous tenant's stuff was out and the first time my bff came to sleep over was the first time I felt like I could actually feel happy there. The feeling went away after she left, but just for a little while. The thing that was the hardest was accepting that now my normal state in the apartment is "alone" and every occasion when there are others there is exactly that - an occasion. Moving from a house with 5 people was hard.
Once I realized all of this, things started getting better. Three important things happened that finally made me sleep soundly in my new bed (then still mattress on the floor, I just got the bed three weeks after moving in):
1) University started. Having that routine of getting up in the morning, going to class and then coming home gave my days some structure and made me feel a lot more grounded and in control.
2) A very pleasant visit. My friend came over from Sweden and spent five days with me. We both slept on the floor and were still figuring out the heating and damaged furniture, but having to be a host to someone really made me feel like this is my apartment and hey, if I can be a host to someone here, that must mean that I know my way around the place well enough!
3) I finally got internet. During my friend's visit, we went and picked up the router and finally, I had internet. Now this might not sound super-important to someone, but for me, who spend most (no seriously, around 90%) of my time awake on the web, it was important. Not to mention my boyfriend who lives on the other side of the world.
The combination of these three things happening in the same few days made this place feel more like home. The crowning jewels were a bathroom renovation and (soon) new kitchen cabinets. But for now, I have my bed and my bakeware and as ar as I'm concerned that's all a girl needs.
I won't lie, this still feels very temporary, and I keep trying to talk people into coming over, because having people here with me feels a lot more natural and comfortable. But for now, I gotta live with myself and if you're wondering how I made the place feel more like home, well, you're gonna have to wait for the next post.
Hugs and kisses (from my oh-so-comfortable new bed)
Cicmila
Moving away to live on my own wasn't as easy as I thought it'd be. In fact... It's much, MUCH harder than I thought.
The dream was to just go in one day get all the old stuff the previous tenants left out and come back the day after and put my own stuff in. Easy, right?
Wrong.
After two weeks of cleaning, moving heavy objects to the fourth floor (without an elevator, mind you), not having Wi-Fi, sleeping on a mattress on the floor, going back home to your parents to sleep over because it just doesn't feel right...
I realized that it's not easy.
He told me that it's normal and that I'm always welcome home. That helped a lot.
When all of the previous tenant's stuff was out and the first time my bff came to sleep over was the first time I felt like I could actually feel happy there. The feeling went away after she left, but just for a little while. The thing that was the hardest was accepting that now my normal state in the apartment is "alone" and every occasion when there are others there is exactly that - an occasion. Moving from a house with 5 people was hard.
Once I realized all of this, things started getting better. Three important things happened that finally made me sleep soundly in my new bed (then still mattress on the floor, I just got the bed three weeks after moving in):
1) University started. Having that routine of getting up in the morning, going to class and then coming home gave my days some structure and made me feel a lot more grounded and in control.
2) A very pleasant visit. My friend came over from Sweden and spent five days with me. We both slept on the floor and were still figuring out the heating and damaged furniture, but having to be a host to someone really made me feel like this is my apartment and hey, if I can be a host to someone here, that must mean that I know my way around the place well enough!
3) I finally got internet. During my friend's visit, we went and picked up the router and finally, I had internet. Now this might not sound super-important to someone, but for me, who spend most (no seriously, around 90%) of my time awake on the web, it was important. Not to mention my boyfriend who lives on the other side of the world.
The combination of these three things happening in the same few days made this place feel more like home. The crowning jewels were a bathroom renovation and (soon) new kitchen cabinets. But for now, I have my bed and my bakeware and as ar as I'm concerned that's all a girl needs.
I won't lie, this still feels very temporary, and I keep trying to talk people into coming over, because having people here with me feels a lot more natural and comfortable. But for now, I gotta live with myself and if you're wondering how I made the place feel more like home, well, you're gonna have to wait for the next post.
Hugs and kisses (from my oh-so-comfortable new bed)
Cicmila
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